Blood.

So giving blood doesn't seem to agree with me, it turns out. Everyone's telling me I should've ate more. Whatever, it's past. All I know is, not only did I feel like fainting and/or throwing up all day, but I had to listen to everyone tell me how bad I looked. Fun. And it got even funner when I was practically force fed apple-strawberry sauce. Disgusting stuff but I owe James one because it kept me from passing out. I got my mom to drive me home and slept until 7. Just in time for Grey's Anatomy. It's like my internal clock is running on Grey's time. Ha.

Spongee

So. Tired.

Spongee was last night and oh my goodness are ice rinks cold. I mean I knew it was going to be cold because of the ice and whatnot but when it's colder inside than outside there's a problem! I sold drinks tickets until 1 which was... interesting. Actually boring is more like it. But the music was great (lots of Bon Jovi) and I had Elise to talk to for most of the night. She left early though so from midnight on I had to mingle.

At one point before the semi-finals were going to start there was a lull in the action and I asked Eric to entertain me... Leave it to him to think "entertaining" meant telling a really geeky engineering joke. But it was cute how he thought it was so funny.

Near the end of the night some guys got in a fight and broke a window. Not cool. I mean people grow up.

Yeah and Daryl totally upstaged me with his huge ass camera. I mean the lens came up to over a foot long! So jealous.

The walls start breathing, my mind's unweaving

The idea that no one understands and no one ever will because you're wrong. So wrong that even your own parents don't want to understand. You pull yourself away from them because there's no point.

You get older and you think it may be time to stop. Time to move on and past it. But every word out of your mouth is scattered across the prairie that is your family life. There are no bridges to burn because they were never built. Tears mean nothing because you cannot hold them in. Every emotion you possess is laid bare but you are just spat at for being "too sensitive."

Every conversation reminds you of your darkest moments as a teenager. When you went through everything any other person goes through. But you always went further. You had to win always. Your darkest days still make you weep with the hopelessness of it. You told yourself that every one feels the same way. But you're older now, you know better. They lied to you. They didn't know how bad it got. How bad you were.

But it's okay now. You can suppress it better than before. You'll go through life never saying a word. Except in moments like these when you realize someone should know. Someone should know in case you bottled one too many tears and it all blows up from there. Only who would you tell.