Waiting For The World To Change

Rediscovering a love for someone or something is the most amazing feeling. It's like knowing, knowing that you're not alone. You connect with something in the world outside of your own body. It sounds silly, seeing as I've never met the man, but John Mayer has always been somewhat of a guilty pleasure. His music I mean. Listening to him pour his heart out in every song gives me hope that maybe, someday, I'll have the sort of passion for whatever it is I end up doing with my life. I mean he picked up a guitar for the first time when he was 13. He's 29 now. He's done so much and worked with so many people. I just admire him, you know? It's wonderful because he's like the Beatles for me. The love is always there but sometimes, in my efforts to keep up with the changing music scene, I lose track of him.

And then, WHAM!, all of a sudden I'm hit with this song in the car. The lyrics are simple but powerful. The music is... lighthearted & catchy but doesn't distract from the idea behind the words. Instead it adds to it. Kind of like the Beatles. Half the time you think they're just messing around. And they usually were. But the idea, the message was there. Always.

For example the song All You Need Is Love. Everyone thinks it's this great love song and it is. But if you listen closely you hear the boys making fun of themselves and all the people that keep looking for deeper meanings in their lyrics. Ironic considering this song has the hidden message.

So yes. Go to his website. Listen to the song. And I mean really listen because I think this song really speaks for this generation. How are we supposed to take control of the throne when our mothers and fathers are done? How do you expect us to make the world a better place when there is a pointless war, raged by warmongering men and women, behing fought miles and miles away? The rules keep changing and it's becoming harder and harder to win. So we just keep waiting for the world to change.

English boys... and Harry Potter

Okay. Coolest thing ever just happened. This english guy came in to the cafe right? To unload his camera onto a CD. Normal. But then I got to talking to him. He's been here on a student visa working. Normal. He's been traveling for 2 months now after working for a year. By the end of it he will have been to every Canadian province (that's more than me!). I mentioned my dreams of working in Scotland and also how I'm going to Toronto next summer for the convention. And that's when it happened. He became my new favorite person.

HE WORKED ON THE 3RD AND 4TH HARRY POTTER MOVIES.

I had the biggest OMG moment. I said I would kill to work on a movie set, not to mention a Harry Potter flick. He said there's always lots of positions. I would've asked him for a contact number but alas I was working and someone needed to pay. He said bye and-- oh! Did you hear that? That was the sound of great oppurtunies leaving with cute english boy. Sigh.

But still it was super awesome to talk to him about his work experience here in Canada and all that. I was tempted to run after him and follow him back to London.

New Beginnings

Okay guess where I am! In a cyber cafe. As an employee. I totally got a second job. I can say I work 2 jobs and go to school. I'm a starving student! Except for the fact that I live at home with my parents. Whatever! I get to make coffee (and drink it) & help people with their internet problems! Awesome job!

I also got my hair permed yesterday! It was very exciting. It looks so different but I love it so much! Especially with bangs, which I also got! I'll post pictures as soon as I remember to. So probably never. But it's the thought that counts!

It's a wonderful life!

I'm just starting to understand how much I've come to depend on others. It's funny because I'm actually such an independent person. But I need that feedback. I need to know if I'm doing the right thing. Most of the time I would've already come up with my own opinion but I need to know if it's the correct opinion. It's so sad. But really... isn't that what friends are for? To push you along when you're stuck? I don't know anymore. I don't think I've been a very good friend to anyone in my life. I'm not sure if I know how. I think back and yes, I think I'm right. I'm not a very good friend. I really do care but I don't think it comes across very well. And I'm assuming it's important how the person feels towards me. I've been having It's A Wonderful Life moments more and more lately. Seriously, who would notice if I were gone. I certainly wouldn't (Haha get it? 'Cause I'd be gone? ... *sigh*).

Quick List of the Random.

God I've been such a effing drag on paper lately. Seriously want to slap myself.
Quick life update:

• So Math is going good. I'm doing 200% times better than last time. Literally.
• I finally got a Buddha board. So relaxing putting all my energy into water. And it's pink. Bonus!
  
• My cousin is coming from Vietnam on August 10th. And my little girl cousins from Vancouver may be coming also for August! Family!
• I broke my back making our fence. For our 90ft x 40ft backyard. That's 2000 nails. And also because of the way the sun shone on me when I was behind the fence my left arm is tanner than my right. Note to self: when hiding in the shade during a heat wave make sure all of self is in said shade.
• I played the piano today for the first time since Christmas. So sad. And now my arm is killing me because my technique is shot to hell.
• I HAVE TO GO TO PROPHECY 2007 THE HARRY POTTER CONVENTION. It's a sign of how freaking excited I am when I use the caps lock. I don't care if I won't be able to go to school after going to Toronto but I'm going. And probably check out Montreal and Ottawa while I'm doing the travel thing. Although I had to restrain myself from applying to be the volunteer coordinator. It's a disease. I just like organizing and bossing people around.
  

No Contact. No Memories.

It's amazing how the simple act of walking downtown can calm me down. I can pretend to be anyone. A tourist far, far away from friends, family and the worries that come with them. Or a career woman walking to work after a stressful breakfast with potential clients. An intern wondering if she's good enough to make it in the field. Or.

Just me. No one harassing me. Not caring whether or not I'm being freezed out by everyone I care about. Whether or not I'm failing miserably in school, in family, in society and in life. Not having to ask the questions "Am I making the wrong choices? Is everything I do a big mistake? What do I have to do to finally be a little happy for once in my life?" And knowing, knowing that somewhere there's someone who actually gives a damn.

I'm sick of caring. I'm sick of worrying about the wrong things. I'm sick of giving a damn when you don't give a damn about me.

I kid myself when I think I'm first on anyone's list. I alienate. I push everyone away. But then again, no one pushes back.

It's amazing how the simple act of walking downtown can calm me down. I can pretend to be anyone. I can pretend to travel back in time to when I was insecure, to when I thought I was poetic when I was just idiotic, to when the world hated me but I'm okay, I hate me too.

What happended to the "new" me? I'm just fooling myself by thinking it was me that changed when really it was just a clever new way to push away by pulling reluctant victims closer and closer until I realize, well, I never really touched them. No contact. No memories except the ones planted by me. All of a sudden there's no one there and I'm left pulling on thin air.

Superman Returns!

In happier news. I saw Superman Returns on Wednesday. Seriously it was like being 8 again and watching the original for the millionth time. The first time Superman flew across the screen I squeed like the annoying fangirl that I am. That Brandon guy really did a good job. He managed to do the Superman thing without looking like an idiot in tights. But it was how he did Clark Kent that made me a happy bopper by the end. He was cute and likeable while being a complete dork all at the same time. There's a scene were Lois and Richard (her boyfriend) seemed to be close to guessing who Superman really is. Clark does this "looks around the room, spots them, waves geeky-ly and grins" thing that just melted my heart. Becuase, of course, he was listening to them talk from across the room.

'Course the four 14-year-olds behind us managed to ruin many of the great moments by saying things like "What's with his hair?" or "His skin is, like, perfect. Creepy" but mostly it was just *gigglegigglesnortlaugh* I finally got them to shut up by trying around and telling them to stuff it. Yes, I know, I vowed never to be "that person" but they were ruining Superman for me!

PotC:2 in 4 days! I need to make a trip to the Dollarama for an eyepatch.

Moving on...

I suppose it's time to move on. Being friends with someone shouldn't mean I feel like dirt and insecure all the time. I shouldn't have to wonder if by saying "I'll pick you up tomorrow" means "I'll forget and not bother to call and apologize." It makes me a little sad but unless something changes I'm not sure if it's the best thing for my "mental health" to be the one trying too hard. And some of my oldest friends too. Some of them I'm not too fussed about saying goodbye [not that there's any goodbye to say. were we really friends at all?] but others... well it's not the easiest thing to admit to myself that high school's over. It's amazing any of my friendships lasted this long.

To new beginnings. Unless this isn't the end? We'll see.