It's been awhile.

It's been a few months since I've written anything here. Mostly because I'm paranoid of who may be reading this but also because I've been living life, rather than observing. So many things have happened. The biggest thing I suppose is I have finally let go of everything I had been holding on to since February. It only took me 9 months but I did it. I'm not sure if this will last but I hope it will. I'm too sick of feeling miserable. There's something extra pathetic about feeling miserable when you're surrounded by such great friends. When you should be having fun but all you can think of is how you can't have your way no matter how much you try. And trust me I've tried. So I've let go. I'm finally at a point in my life where I'm actually enjoying myself. I have a confidence that I never thought I had. It's not always there but sometimes... The ironic thing is he was the one that helped me with that. He made me realize that I don't always have to be last or worst. Too bad the only place I don't want to be last right now... I'm last and won't ever be better. How's that for ironic. Thanks babe, for that. My phone won't be missing your deleted number. I hope.