It's been awhile.

It's been a few months since I've written anything here. Mostly because I'm paranoid of who may be reading this but also because I've been living life, rather than observing. So many things have happened. The biggest thing I suppose is I have finally let go of everything I had been holding on to since February. It only took me 9 months but I did it. I'm not sure if this will last but I hope it will. I'm too sick of feeling miserable. There's something extra pathetic about feeling miserable when you're surrounded by such great friends. When you should be having fun but all you can think of is how you can't have your way no matter how much you try. And trust me I've tried. So I've let go. I'm finally at a point in my life where I'm actually enjoying myself. I have a confidence that I never thought I had. It's not always there but sometimes... The ironic thing is he was the one that helped me with that. He made me realize that I don't always have to be last or worst. Too bad the only place I don't want to be last right now... I'm last and won't ever be better. How's that for ironic. Thanks babe, for that. My phone won't be missing your deleted number. I hope.

Not So Angry Anymore

Okay so I'm going to be up front and admit that this blog is going to be all about the lyric spam. This song popped up on my iTunes this morning and it's been stuck in my head ever since.

Told you things I never meant to
Now it seems you think I need you
Caught up in the moment
Between lust and understanding
Read you like an open book
Promised you whatever it took

I only wanted just one night
Now I've gotta make it right

[CHORUS]
You're angry
I know I'm done
Your looking straight into me
Doesn't matter what I say now
Try to make you see it somehow

Never meant to lead you on
Lost my head and carried on
Careless words you heard me say
I said so I could have my way

I only wanted just one night
Now I've gotta make it right

- Angry by Serial Joe

Gonna go and get my tattoo consultation. How excited am I?!?

p.s. Oh boy. *NSynce just came on... Good ol' boy band pop!

Remember when you used to call me Son of Gloin?

No school for 4 months? Too good to be true. This will be my first summer not taking any courses and I feel a little weird about it. I haven't had a break longer than 6 weeks since starting university. I ended up getting a job though so I don't have to worry in that respect! Of course I've pretty much already spent my first paycheque before even starting!

I didn't do so hot on my exams but I was sort of expecting that. This semester was supposed to be the semester that boosted my GPA and let me relax a little. I guess you can't plan for everything...

Lately I haven't felt that urge to write as much as I used to. That's another feeling that I'm feeling weird about. There used to be a time where if I didn't write something every day I'd feel like I was going to burst! My hand written journal has been left lonely; it's getting a little dusty actually. I suppose everyone has to grow out of those teenage angst years eventually.

Why is all the gin gone??

Grad was a shit show.

That is pretty much the summary of the night.

Lisa, Bryce, Matt and I got a hotel room. We all got there around 3pm and there the fun began! By the time I made it down to the dance at 8:30 to sell tickets for an hour I was already feeling a little tipsy. It didn't help that I wasn't able to keep my dinner down so I was going on an empty stomach.

After an hour I went back upstairs with Mike Shaw in tow to find everyone all prettied up. We all went back down at like 10 (I think). And that's when things started to get real irridiculous. I was a mess by the end of things! But the ice sculpture was cool and the drinks just kept coming! Until they ran out of gin and vodka and I was forced to drink rum.

...


NEVER. AGAIN.

So to sum up: I had fun. I was a mess. There are too many pictures to prove this.

Drama, drama, drama

So this past week has been... whatever. There were some definite downs, some so-so ups, and a lot of in-between fluctuations. But mostly downs. I've always been a drama queen, it's just the way I am. I can normally suppress it because it annoys me, and everyone around me. But then I go and get comfortable. I get comfortable and forget that it's not always taken as a joke. The joke being I actually need someone to tell me what they think of me. It's always nice to hear, but to need to hear it? Not so much of a need. But that's pretty much my down fall. Being comfortable with someone.

I suppose saying that this week has mostly been a bunch of downs is a bit melodramatic. But that doesn't make it any less real. It doesn't make this feeling go away, the feeling that I just failed a test that I didn't know I was taking.

So maybe that means I really do need something more. I'm sick of people hugging me. Don't they get that I don't want [them] to hug me? But I don't know what I need yet so I have to make do.

But that's the drama queen in me talking again. Someone should club her bloody. Because I certainly don't have the strength to.

(1, 2, ... 299, 300)

Okay. 300. Good.

The blood and gore and violence!! The fangirl in me nearly died from happiness. So yeah me, Matt, Bryce, Keith, Lisa, Eric and Eric's friend Steve went to see it on Friday. What else did we end up doing... oh yes Applebee's for half off appetizers... except they're only half off Sunday to Thursday. Not impressed! So afterward we all (except Eric and Steve) went back to school 'cause we're so cool. Didn't get home until pretty late, my mom wasn't too happy...

And yesterday I spent all day at school not getting any yearbook stuff done (sigh) and playing chess and various other games over Mac networks with Lisa, Bryce and Matt. What a waste but it was fun at the same time. Matt, Bryce and I ended up going to see Smokin' Aces at the cheap seats. Also a great movie, although I was mostly confused for the all the movie. Then it was back to school for pizza and just chilling out with the boys.


So all in all a waste of a weekend if you think of it in terms of schoolwork and yearbook work done. But fun in every other aspect...

Macbook!

I am definitely playing around with my brand new baby, a new black Macbook. It does seem I enjoy buying new toys around March/April every year. First my Camcorder, than my SLR last year and now this. Geeze.

But I love it.

YES?

I'm so bored! It's my last shift at this job and I totally forgot to bring a book and there's no one fun to talk to on MSN. I know, I know... My life is so tough!

This week should be interesting with the Referendum campaigning starting on Monday. I'm sort of looking forward to the crazy stuff certain people will be doing to try and sway students one way or another. I personally think the choice is pretty clear (YES) given the facts but I guess with expectations of getting something valuable for free prevailing with some people, the engineering students at the UofM can expect a pretty crazy week. Let's hope the facts win over because I don't want to think about what will happen if things get any worse. Plus I hate losing...

Knee... you're an idiot.

Hmmm so... what do I do now?

More like Sucky Rider!

First off: DO NOT SEE GHOST RIDER unless you want to die a slow death in your seat as Nicholas Cage butchers the art that is acting...

So yes. A bunch of people went to Boston Pizza last night (Team Fuck Yah were cashing in on their GCs) and then Dan got us into Famous Players to watch a movie for free. Unfortunately the only movie no one had seen and were somewhat okay with watching was Ghost Rider (because it comes out this Friday). I seriously feel bad for anyone who ends up paying to watch that sorry excuse for a movie. It was almost as bad as Eragon, which is pretty effing awful.

But in every other respect I had a good time with everyone... Matt picked me up and drove me home and I think we're getting along okay... Yes.

'Sup Home Doggs!

READING WEEK!

Definitely gonna lie around doing nothing for most of it... and it will be excellent and y'all will be jealous! Actually I lied 'cause I've got a million things that need to get done and not enough time to do them. Mainly I want to get most of the yearbook done. Ha. Fat chance.

GNCTR socials = shit shows!

So I appear to have had fun at the GNCTR social last night. Luckily I didn't do too many stupid things. And it looks like I do enjoy dancing... in small doses though.

And if I did do many more stupid things than I remember... please don't tell me. I'd rather not know.

Conversations with deities

People never cease to amaze me. I love just sitting back and watching everyone go about their lives. Too bad it's often at the expense of my own life...

I'm almost positive I was going somewhere with this. I'm sure I had some example that could be cleverly used as a metaphor to man's destiny or something along those lines. But I can't seem to recall what the example was. So let's just say that I wrote something interesting and witty... used it as a metaphor for the concept of gravity, which in turn was used to compare ants to a god... who, by the way, says "hi!" but that's besides the point. The point is, after comparing the ants to this god, I move on to relate double decker buses to lunch in South Africa. And that would lead me to prove that gravity, in fact, does not exist... which puts a slight damper in my whole entry now doesn't it?

...

My brain is telling me to delete all of the above and try to forget it ever happened. But like gravity, just because I say it isn't so doesn't mean it's true.

At Attention Soldiers!

Attention:

1. Concentration of the mental powers upon an object; a close or careful observing or listening.
2. The ability or power to concentrate mentally.

So why do we pay attention to things? And why do we pay for it? Was it an early distraction from the harshness of life? To pay quiet adoration to a bird or the clouds or to another human being, and forget that there is food to harvest, water to lug, a fire to build, an essay to write? And why do we act the way we do when that attention isn't returned? Why do we lash out at the people and things that we pay so dearly to attend to? The phrase "you get what you paid for" doesn't always apply, I guess.

Or was attention our way of mastering out ability to love? To hate. Did we rise above other animals, not only by our use of tools and such, but also by our desire to be desired?

Or am I purposely using the topic of attention, in a flash of typical High School Irony, to ignore my Stats assignment, due tomorrow? You decide.

EngWeek - Tuesday to Friday

Oh boy. I must say... this week was pretty intense. But in a good way, I suppose.

I'm gonna make this quick as it is... 11:20pm on Friday and I have no idea why I won't just close the laptop and go to sleep. The room is pretty much spinning.

Alright so Rumors was on Tuesday. Greatest time. The guy was funny and I was able to relax for a night before the chaos of Wednesday began.

I must be some sort of genius because Wednesday turned out to be the nicest day of the week and perfect for building snow forts and such. Five teams participated and I think they all had a blast. Frosh made a toilet with a vomiting snow-frosh, complete with sink and stall walls. Frosh girl (i.e. Britta) made sure the walls were purple and pink. It was fabulous! CSCE made a life size dragon curled up, chomping on a bloody head, with tail around it's nest and egg. Kathryn knows me all too well because I loved it. Me = Total sucker for dragons. Six Bricks made Snoopy's doghouse with Snoopy sticking his head out and Woodstock on top. Christmas lights and everything! And Fuck Yah made a HUGE snow fort, with team Just Du It's tower and arch beside it (i.e. the castle outhouse). In the end there was a nice long snowball/water fight between Frosh and Fuck Yah. It was excellent.

And now Friday... Geers Take Over WiseGuys. Lots of engineers and lots of beer & pizza. What can I say? It was a good time! But now I have a wicked headache and I'm gonna crash.

Thanks everyone who helped or participated!

EngWeek - Monday

One day down. Four to go.

Today: Beer Bash, 12:00pm - 5:30pm

That went as well as can be expected. The Fo!ps were forced to back out but Moe got another awesome band to play. Their name escapes me at the moment. But I'm definitely getting their CD if I can. And if I remember.

Maybe I was putting the expectations up too high but I was hoping for more people. But it was a Monday, so a lot of people had labs. Pfft. I'm not going to classes this week. Other people shouldn't either.

And the clean up went by really fast. And I actually did some significant amount of labour. I was pretty proud of myself. The new drunk frosh is great. Hilarious! Except when Matt gave him my number but gave my home number. Not amusing. Especially if he called in the state he was in. Can anyone say "disowned"?

Okay I know it's only 8:30 but I'm going to sleep. A huge thanks for anyone that stopped by and got wasted. I appreciate it a whole lot!

The Awesomeness That Is The Engineering Profession

Ready? Set... GO!

The countdown to EngWeek has begun. The last mile before all hell breaks loose. And still so much to do. Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.

Two days and 3 hours until Monday.

Burn a hole. Need a cut.

There are no words to explain how effed up everything is right now. I am at a lose for words, which I think may be a first. I can't even think in coherent thoughts.

But once again Mr. John Mayer has come to my rescue. How many times can I listen to Continuum before I burn a hole through the CD? Only time will tell. I've only written a handful of posts for this blog thing but I think this may be the 3rd or 4th about the Man himself. Simply amazing and I wish he was coming up to Canada for his Continuum tour. The whole album speaks to me. It's like this story that I wish I had written but am content to listen to. I can just forget that I have issues and that I don't even have time to process the fact that I have issues.

On a completely off-topic note: I need a haircut.

Free? All LIES!

Rough, rough, rough week.

1. Parking ticket, $60
2. Lost cell replaced with the Sony Ericsson W810i, $150
3. Having to renew my contract with Rogers to 3 years, when it was going to be over in July anyways, just so I wouldn't have to pay $350 for a new cell, $Annoying As Hell
4. Fighting with family, $The Sucks
5. Spending all day today trying to get permit forms filled out for EngWeek Beer Bash, $Headache Inducing

I'm sure there's lots more but I'm too tired to think of them. So all in all not one of my favorite New Years.

Oh and to top it all off #1, 2, 3 happened the night I went to see Starfield which was a free concert they do each year. For a free concert I sure I had to spend a lot of money.