It's been awhile.

It's been a few months since I've written anything here. Mostly because I'm paranoid of who may be reading this but also because I've been living life, rather than observing. So many things have happened. The biggest thing I suppose is I have finally let go of everything I had been holding on to since February. It only took me 9 months but I did it. I'm not sure if this will last but I hope it will. I'm too sick of feeling miserable. There's something extra pathetic about feeling miserable when you're surrounded by such great friends. When you should be having fun but all you can think of is how you can't have your way no matter how much you try. And trust me I've tried. So I've let go. I'm finally at a point in my life where I'm actually enjoying myself. I have a confidence that I never thought I had. It's not always there but sometimes... The ironic thing is he was the one that helped me with that. He made me realize that I don't always have to be last or worst. Too bad the only place I don't want to be last right now... I'm last and won't ever be better. How's that for ironic. Thanks babe, for that. My phone won't be missing your deleted number. I hope.

Not So Angry Anymore

Okay so I'm going to be up front and admit that this blog is going to be all about the lyric spam. This song popped up on my iTunes this morning and it's been stuck in my head ever since.

Told you things I never meant to
Now it seems you think I need you
Caught up in the moment
Between lust and understanding
Read you like an open book
Promised you whatever it took

I only wanted just one night
Now I've gotta make it right

[CHORUS]
You're angry
I know I'm done
Your looking straight into me
Doesn't matter what I say now
Try to make you see it somehow

Never meant to lead you on
Lost my head and carried on
Careless words you heard me say
I said so I could have my way

I only wanted just one night
Now I've gotta make it right

- Angry by Serial Joe

Gonna go and get my tattoo consultation. How excited am I?!?

p.s. Oh boy. *NSynce just came on... Good ol' boy band pop!

Remember when you used to call me Son of Gloin?

No school for 4 months? Too good to be true. This will be my first summer not taking any courses and I feel a little weird about it. I haven't had a break longer than 6 weeks since starting university. I ended up getting a job though so I don't have to worry in that respect! Of course I've pretty much already spent my first paycheque before even starting!

I didn't do so hot on my exams but I was sort of expecting that. This semester was supposed to be the semester that boosted my GPA and let me relax a little. I guess you can't plan for everything...

Lately I haven't felt that urge to write as much as I used to. That's another feeling that I'm feeling weird about. There used to be a time where if I didn't write something every day I'd feel like I was going to burst! My hand written journal has been left lonely; it's getting a little dusty actually. I suppose everyone has to grow out of those teenage angst years eventually.

Why is all the gin gone??

Grad was a shit show.

That is pretty much the summary of the night.

Lisa, Bryce, Matt and I got a hotel room. We all got there around 3pm and there the fun began! By the time I made it down to the dance at 8:30 to sell tickets for an hour I was already feeling a little tipsy. It didn't help that I wasn't able to keep my dinner down so I was going on an empty stomach.

After an hour I went back upstairs with Mike Shaw in tow to find everyone all prettied up. We all went back down at like 10 (I think). And that's when things started to get real irridiculous. I was a mess by the end of things! But the ice sculpture was cool and the drinks just kept coming! Until they ran out of gin and vodka and I was forced to drink rum.

...


NEVER. AGAIN.

So to sum up: I had fun. I was a mess. There are too many pictures to prove this.

Drama, drama, drama

So this past week has been... whatever. There were some definite downs, some so-so ups, and a lot of in-between fluctuations. But mostly downs. I've always been a drama queen, it's just the way I am. I can normally suppress it because it annoys me, and everyone around me. But then I go and get comfortable. I get comfortable and forget that it's not always taken as a joke. The joke being I actually need someone to tell me what they think of me. It's always nice to hear, but to need to hear it? Not so much of a need. But that's pretty much my down fall. Being comfortable with someone.

I suppose saying that this week has mostly been a bunch of downs is a bit melodramatic. But that doesn't make it any less real. It doesn't make this feeling go away, the feeling that I just failed a test that I didn't know I was taking.

So maybe that means I really do need something more. I'm sick of people hugging me. Don't they get that I don't want [them] to hug me? But I don't know what I need yet so I have to make do.

But that's the drama queen in me talking again. Someone should club her bloody. Because I certainly don't have the strength to.

(1, 2, ... 299, 300)

Okay. 300. Good.

The blood and gore and violence!! The fangirl in me nearly died from happiness. So yeah me, Matt, Bryce, Keith, Lisa, Eric and Eric's friend Steve went to see it on Friday. What else did we end up doing... oh yes Applebee's for half off appetizers... except they're only half off Sunday to Thursday. Not impressed! So afterward we all (except Eric and Steve) went back to school 'cause we're so cool. Didn't get home until pretty late, my mom wasn't too happy...

And yesterday I spent all day at school not getting any yearbook stuff done (sigh) and playing chess and various other games over Mac networks with Lisa, Bryce and Matt. What a waste but it was fun at the same time. Matt, Bryce and I ended up going to see Smokin' Aces at the cheap seats. Also a great movie, although I was mostly confused for the all the movie. Then it was back to school for pizza and just chilling out with the boys.


So all in all a waste of a weekend if you think of it in terms of schoolwork and yearbook work done. But fun in every other aspect...

Macbook!

I am definitely playing around with my brand new baby, a new black Macbook. It does seem I enjoy buying new toys around March/April every year. First my Camcorder, than my SLR last year and now this. Geeze.

But I love it.