It's sad really

Wow, this is an all time low for me. I'm hiding at school. Not exactly hiding but still sad on a Friday night. Most people my age would be out, having fun, doing exciting things. But me? No, I wallow in self-pity and hide at school. Although I was at a coffee place for a couple of hours.

I just couldn't stand it at home anymore. Not only do we not have A/C (it's beyond humid right now) but it doesn't matter what I say I get yelled at. If I try being passive and not talking to anyone I'm being rude. If I talk and it's even a little sarcastic [even when I'm not trying to be, it comes out that way and my parents are really over sensitive about stuff like this] I'm being disrespectful. Okay I'm sorry but when my dad says "cut the steak in half" I cut it in half, without questions [because apparently I shouldn't question him]. But then I get glared at and snapped at because he meant I should butterfly it. Well of course that's what he meant by "cut the steak in half." So I've decided fine, I will just follow directions, answer nicely and not at all disrespectful or in any way besides "yes father" and "yes mother." No longer will I attempt to have any sort of personality or life of my own except when I leave their presence. Because apparently children should never ever display any act of selfishness or signs that they might have a mind of their own.

Seriously like they're the best parents in the world. Like I have no right to be angry when one of them tells me one thing and the other tells me the complete opposite. Make up your own effing mind and get back to me. Until then don't expect me to be any more than a robot in your presence. I've always bended to their rules. And now that I'm 19 I really don't have to if I don't want to. But I do anyways. I'm such an effing pansy. I should just leave.

Maybe I should bow at them before I leave the room like some sort of 15th century Viet slave to the Chinese master. Only now it'd be mindless daughter to all-mighty parents.

[You'd think by now we'd've gotten this all sorted out. Most kids begin to form some sort of friendship with their parents by now. But no. I have to sit here sounding like some sort of angst-filled 15 year old when I'm not. I'm just plain pissed off. They obviously know nothing about me, seeing as they can't even distinguish between my being silly and playful and my being rude and disrespectful. I am thisclose to just walking away and never coming back.]